Toe meets steel leg of bike trainer. Still riding!
Thursday, September 06, 2012
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
Burnout/Depression/Exhaustion
All three of those interfered with my progress, or should I say, my not dealing with issues and events correctly led to these 3 black dogs.
Today I realized I need a new strategy, so I dove into a book I have had on the shelves for a while . . . The Mindful Way Through Depression". Very interesting so far, and I believe very apropos.
One point I found true is that when we enter the "Exhaustion Funnel", we typically give up things in life we enjoy but which we declare "optional", we are not nourished as we should be. For me, it is triathlon, exercising, hunting, hiking, reading, playing guitar, and being with others. This usually leaves us with only work and other stressors, that deplete us. And as I have said, my current work situation is not good for me. And of course, this has led to my exhaustion (and depression).
But, isn't it easy to give into this as you are sliding down the funnel. What does not help is the next point the book is helping me explore. Mood and Memory. Most of us have established thinking patterns when different moods and emotions hit us such as sadness, anger, grief, guilt, etc. Of course, for those of us raised dysfunction-ally, we have many incorrect or sabotaging thoughts associated with moods and emotions such as: "I'm worthless"; "I'm not good enough"; "I screwed up again", etc, etc. These are pretty ingrained.
So, now something new happens, we have a "mood" or "emotion", let's say guilt. So I am driving down the street and I get hit by this wave of guilt which was the emotion I have for a decision I made. The emotion is real and so is the guilt, I made a decision and it had some negative consequences for others. That is truth. Now, automatically my established thinking patterns kicked in, "I screwed up", "I am bad", "I'll never be fore-given", etc. Well that was not working out so well! As my good friend Brandy would do, I hit the books.
Now, when the new mood/emotion/issue hits, and the old thinking patterns reactivate, this results in two negative outcomes. One is the depression or sadness, etc, increases. The second is, instead of focusing on helpful ways of dealing, we go back to trying to figure out why we are so messed up, why we are not worthy, why we keep screwing up, etc. We try to sort things out and force a solution, these are the wrong tools for the job! We stay fixated on what made us unhappy, guilty, sad, etc.
The author states "We can't change the fact that past memories and self-critical and judgmental ways of thinking are triggered when we feel unhappy. It all happens quite automatically." The good thing is, there is a new way, we just need to realize our moods reactivate that old thinking an we can indeed choose to learn to relate to our moos in a different manner/approach. The first step is "to see even more clearly the ways in which we entangle ourselves. We need to become more aware of the pattern or mode, of mind that gets switched on and can cause so much suffering."
Now, I am not saying my guilt was not real, but after a few years, it is time to move forward from getting so depressed and move forward in a healthy, mindful way. More to follow!
One point I found true is that when we enter the "Exhaustion Funnel", we typically give up things in life we enjoy but which we declare "optional", we are not nourished as we should be. For me, it is triathlon, exercising, hunting, hiking, reading, playing guitar, and being with others. This usually leaves us with only work and other stressors, that deplete us. And as I have said, my current work situation is not good for me. And of course, this has led to my exhaustion (and depression).
But, isn't it easy to give into this as you are sliding down the funnel. What does not help is the next point the book is helping me explore. Mood and Memory. Most of us have established thinking patterns when different moods and emotions hit us such as sadness, anger, grief, guilt, etc. Of course, for those of us raised dysfunction-ally, we have many incorrect or sabotaging thoughts associated with moods and emotions such as: "I'm worthless"; "I'm not good enough"; "I screwed up again", etc, etc. These are pretty ingrained.
So, now something new happens, we have a "mood" or "emotion", let's say guilt. So I am driving down the street and I get hit by this wave of guilt which was the emotion I have for a decision I made. The emotion is real and so is the guilt, I made a decision and it had some negative consequences for others. That is truth. Now, automatically my established thinking patterns kicked in, "I screwed up", "I am bad", "I'll never be fore-given", etc. Well that was not working out so well! As my good friend Brandy would do, I hit the books.
Now, when the new mood/emotion/issue hits, and the old thinking patterns reactivate, this results in two negative outcomes. One is the depression or sadness, etc, increases. The second is, instead of focusing on helpful ways of dealing, we go back to trying to figure out why we are so messed up, why we are not worthy, why we keep screwing up, etc. We try to sort things out and force a solution, these are the wrong tools for the job! We stay fixated on what made us unhappy, guilty, sad, etc.
The author states "We can't change the fact that past memories and self-critical and judgmental ways of thinking are triggered when we feel unhappy. It all happens quite automatically." The good thing is, there is a new way, we just need to realize our moods reactivate that old thinking an we can indeed choose to learn to relate to our moos in a different manner/approach. The first step is "to see even more clearly the ways in which we entangle ourselves. We need to become more aware of the pattern or mode, of mind that gets switched on and can cause so much suffering."
Now, I am not saying my guilt was not real, but after a few years, it is time to move forward from getting so depressed and move forward in a healthy, mindful way. More to follow!
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